Tawakkul – 21
Since it’s come to the end of the year, I thought that now would be the perfect time to truly reflect on how 2021 has been for me. The last time I wrote a blog post; I was talking about my struggles with dealing with procrastination as a creative and how I lacked the motivation to do anything… If you wanna read it, check it out. https://www.sumaiyyashafi.com/blog/pro-create-crastinate-20/
Between then, up until around April 2021, I was still very much struggling with the motivation; especially because of the pandemic. The lockdown rules were still pretty strict and so I wasn’t getting out as much. I was still out of a job which made it worse. At least if you’re working; you’ve got something to keep you busy and feel some sense of normality. But I was pretty much stuck with not doing anything and started feeling depressed because of it.
I was claiming Universal Credit at the time whilst still looking for jobs. I hated feeling so frustrated that I was out of work and I was trying my best to work through so many job applications. I think a lot of people don’t realise that applying for jobs is actually mentally draining, and you have to be in the right mind frame to do it.
When you’re trying your best as well and want every application to be up to top standard, it takes a lot of time and willpower to get through them. I was quite serious about my work search; so it wasn’t a simple click and apply within a few seconds and then onto the next one. They were pretty lengthy applications that required you to go into depth with your answers; which took at least a week (if not more) for each one to complete.
I had to keep going though, even whilst I was feeling numb on the inside. I think one of the things that kept me going was my firm belief that everything happens for a reason. Alhamdulillah (All praises to God), having Tawakkul (trust in Gods plan) is one of the things that I’m very strong and grounded on. If I didn’t have that, I would have given up on a lot of things; a very long time ago. I was also blessed to be surrounded by people who truly believed in me. They reminded me of how far I’ve come in life; which made me appreciate myself more and be proud of my accomplishments.
By the will and grace of Allah (SWT) on 30th March 2021, I received an email from a company called Gift Wellness. Gift Wellness is a company that sells high quality, affordable sanitary products to all women, whilst at the same time becoming a source of aid and hope to some in crisis. Check out https://giftwellness.co.uk/pages/about-us to read more about their company.
The email said that they were pleased with my application and that they wanted to book me for an interview on zoom. I remembered applying for this particular role back in January 2021 which was part of the Government’s Kickstarter scheme. The Kickstart Scheme provides funding to employers to create jobs for 16 to 24-year-olds on Universal Credit. It was also there to help a lot of young people who were struggling to find jobs due to the pandemic.
The role was for a digital marketing assistant which was an area I always had an interest in. When I was invited to the interview, I didn’t think anything of it; if I’m being completely honest. I was so used to the rejection emails; that it just felt like another standard interview for me. I prepared myself of course and was still hopeful about getting accepted. But I had an open mind that there was still a high chance of me not getting the role; which was ok.
During the interview, I was told pretty much straight away that I had been accepted into the role. I was confused at the time because it just felt too easy for it to be true. It took me a bit of time to process because I couldn’t take it seriously and didn’t know how to react. I didn’t wanna jinx it until I had my first official day of work. So once I completed that first day, I knew that reality would sink in. My official role was a Junior Digital Producer and it was the first time I worked in a role that I completely loved and enjoyed.
I can’t lie, I was pretty overwhelmed during the first few weeks. I was given so much freedom to be creative; which threw me off. I was so used to working in such a corporate environment, where every day was so repetitive and boring. I had so many different projects I could work on within the role; such as being in charge of posting on the Gift Wellness Instagram page, working on the branding guidelines, creating promotional videos and product photos, infographics, memes… The opportunities to experiment with my skills and have fun were endless.
I realised that the reason I was so thrown off, was that it had been so long that I had done anything creative related. It was a big jump from going through a creative block to creating content as part of a job. Once I got settled in, I started developing my own style and got back into the creative drive which felt amazing. I was even motivated to go back to my personal projects outside of work and continue with them. It was very important for me to work in a job that involved being creative because it helped me become more motivated in every other aspect of my life. (Also apologies for overusing the word ‘creative’, I’m getting sick of it too now)
Working with like-minded people who genuinely cared about you also made it even easier. As an introvert, I’m very laid back as a person and usually keep myself to myself. I’m not known to be outspoken around others (unless I’m very comfortable around them), and I get very shy about showing off my achievements.
Another thing I loved about this job, was that I was always given the opportunity to highlight my work and skills. During every team meeting, my boss would always push me to get out of my comfort zone and call on me to show my team members what I was working on. I would never really go out of my way to present without being asked because I was always self-conscious about coming across as a ‘show off. But the praise and feedback I would get were amazing, and my team members would always hype me up a lot. I guess I was being too shy about my work, and that was because I wasn’t fully confident in myself.
I worked in this role for 6 months and it’s crazy to say that I had already experienced my ‘dream job’. My contract ended after 6 months as the Kickstarter scheme was only set for that long. As gutted I was to leave the role, I was so grateful for the experience and to Gift Wellness for providing me with this opportunity. I knew I was going to miss working there, and I still do, because it’s the first time I felt my complete self somewhere.
It’s helped me a lot now because I realised that I have a great interest in product photography and creating promotional content for brands. I’m currently not working at the moment; so I’m using my free time to improve on my photography and videography skills and work on myself. I won’t lie though, I do get stressed with the whole ‘looking for work process’ and going through application to application. I’m still a bit burned out from feeling like I’m being both productive and unproductive at the same time. But I know that I’m doing the best I can right now to get where I wanna be.
I need to stop giving myself such a hard time (easy being said than done). But it’s important to remember how this year has affected all of us in different ways. But despite everything, I’ve gotten this far and have grown so much and am still growing.
Although it feels like I’m back to square one, I have to keep reminding myself the same thing when I was demotivated around this time last year… That everything happens for a reason and that Allah (SWT) is the best of planners. So again, I will always go back to having Tawakkul because ultimately, that’s my biggest accomplishment of 2021….
InShaAllah, for 2022 I’m gonna keep on working on becoming the best version of myself and appreciate the growth in the process. Alhamdulillah always.
